Holy Shit, I’m Actually Writing!

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It has been a long-ass time since I’ve sat down to write anything more than a birthday card.

Up until about a year ago I had some momentum going on with my writing.

And then, two dear friends made a point to shower me with praise about my blogging and asked that I please blog more regularly.  “Not enough!” they cried. “More!” they insisted. After which I stopped writing entirely.

Why’d I stop?  I don’t know.

Did their request feel like pressure?  Oh brother, two people like my shit..they’ll eat me alive with their insatiable need!

Was my stopping an act of defiance?  You’re not the boss of me!  I’ll blog when I want to!

Could I just not focus enough to get my ass in the chair?  Shiny objects everywhere!!  Yippee!

I don’t know why..  I just know that I stopped.

But check this out.  Here I am, writing again.

I’m not at all sure what I’m writing about but there is no doubt that I’m writing… my fingers are moving across the keyboard…my words are appearing on the screen.  Oh yes, this is definitely writing.

Holy shit, I’m actually writing!

And here’s why…

Because lately I’ve been acutely aware that I spend big chunks of my time dealing with meaningless, soul-crushing mundane crap that I don’t give a shit about.

Like the glitch in the PayPay button on my website that stole nine of my waking hours yesterday.  Nine.

And at regular intervals during those nine hours, my inner-monologue player got rolling on a favorite track entitled, “This is NOT how I am meant to be spending my one precious life!  This is NOT what I want to be doing right now! I am not on this planet for THIS!”

So now, in this sober moment, briefly awake from the trance of the What’s my fucking password bullshit that is robbing me of my youth.. or, second youth…(that’s a thing, right? a second youth?…can we make that a thing?).. I have seized this rare alignment of my creative desires and the hour in my schedule that I’ve inexplicably left open, to take a moment to write.

I’m writing.  Yeah, I am.   I’m writing.  Right now.  Writing.  Me.

Holy shit, I’m actually writing!

 

 

4 Responses

  1. I love this, Rachel! I feel like you just summed up my past month and made me laugh about it! You’re a rock-STAR. 🙂

  2. Steph Chang

    Keep those fingers moving on that keyboard, please. Your take on the mundane welcomed!

  3. Write it.

  4. Sounds like someone needs the F*uck That meditation.

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